As we begin 2010, I want to reflect on what I think may be the biggest problem facing United Methodist Churches- the emotional abuse of clergy by laity.  Usually, the offending laity are abusive toward other laity as well.  Let me acknowledge that there are clergy who bully, blame, and abuse power...no doubt about it.  But what I have found in my first year and a half as a District Superintendant is that, more often, the bullying, blaming, and abusing come from a small, yet toxically effective group of laity.  G. Lloyd Rediger calls them "clergy killers".  They are also church killers and I believe they exist in most churches.  The difference between healthy churches where they exist, and unhealthy, is that the healthy churches do not let these folk control the church's direction, and the laity leadership of those churches take responsibility in dealing with "the problem folk".  They do not leave it to the pastor to fight the battles alone.  I was pastoring a church many years ago that had an abusive, controlling, bullying Trustee Chair.  For a year I was the only one who stood up to him and my life was miserable.  It affected the life of the whole church.  There was a negative cloud over us and everyone, visitors included, could sense it.  Finally, at the beginning of a new year, the Trustees, on their own and without my prompting, voted him out as chair.  They elected a strong, yet fair, consensus builder, who was not afraid to stand up to the bullying former chair.  It transformed the Trustees and the church.  I am sure my change in attitude and spirit as a result, helped.

 

To churches and pastors who may have problems with such folk, let me give the following advice.

 

For Pastors:  Buck up and get some thick skin.  We have all had folks like this take shots at us.  Don't let them drag you and the church down.  But also, be ready to listen to constructive criticism given in love.  Most church folk are not "clergy killers" and most, if you'll encourage them and listen to them, can give helpful advice regarding your ministry.  And, be careful not to be controlling, abusive and bullying toward laity and staff.  Remember, as Reinhold Niebuhr once said, "the greasy finger print of original sin is upon us all", clergy included.

 

For Laity Leaders:  Don't leave it to the pastors to deal with toxic church members.  Don't put up with power-mongering bullies, or clergy abusers.  Their numbers are small, but they will suck the life out of your church if you let them.

 

For Those who Think They may be Abusers:  First, ask yourself if you've had problems in your relationship with more than one pastor.  If so, read Clergy Killers, by G. Lloyd Rediger.  You may find yourself described.  Then, find a friend or acquaintance who has considerable time in a 12-step recovery program and ask that person about the importance of humility and rigorous honesty in the spiritual life.  Then ask the person to explain how to keep a personal moral inventory (and why you need to refrain from keeping moral inventories of others) and how to make amends to those you have wronged, without the expectation of reciprocal amends (refraining from "I'm sorry, but...").  You may also want to ask the 12-step program member for advice about the importance of prayer, meditation, and seeking God's will and direction through "group consciousness" (i.e. through humble involvement in the community of faith).  Hopefully, you will learn how to listen to and learn from others.  You will learn how to accept, with humility, that you will not always get your way.  And, you will learn something about the nature of love in the context of Christian community.

 

For clergy and laity, my hope prayer for 2010 is that, in these difficult days, church folk will be able to refrain from blaming, controlling, and bullying, and that they will seek to be as gracious to each other as God has been gracious to them.  Loving, gracious churches are not void of problems, but they sure are healthier and happier than those where negativism and strife reigns.  May your 2010 be filled with the love and grace of the humble yet powerful spirit of Christ.

 

Shalom,